/ 12.10.10 / 11 Comments /

Time for Tea: Making Your Home a 'Comfort Zone' for Hubby


Tuesday is a great day to have tea together and have a little woman to  woman chat, don't you think?  I really think we should make Tuesday mornings our time to visit and talk about things that will help us be the wives and/or mothers that we really want to be.  So why don't you grab yourself a warm cup of tea, add some cream..and meet me back here in a  minute.. By the way, my friend, Rayanne, of A Lovely Thought is hosting an online 'tea party' every Tuesday so if you'd like to visit other blogging friends who are having tea, just drop by.


Frankly, I'm going to have a hard time choosing which tea to drink! My friend, Shannon Mucha, of Blu-bambu, gave me these lovely teas as a thank you for helping her move a few weeks ago. But not only that, she gave me a little book about tea, and a gorgeous bowl with Japanese men on it. Wow...I have to say that I have a lot to learn about how to say 'thanks' to someone. Next time she needs help, I'll be sure to volunteer! Ha! Just teasing.. 



Well, if you have your cup of tea, let's chat just a minute. Really, hot tea and a warm quilt on a cold morning, makes me think of how important it is that our home be a 'comfort zone'. I've been reading about this in my favorite book on marriage, "Created to be His Helpmeet".  Of course, it is on my heart because one of my older children is struggling in this area. Is it any wonder?  We are all so selfish by nature-- me especially! Yipes!! How two normal people could stay married for life when this is the case is truly a miracle.

I agree with Debby that, "A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the others' faults, to love the other as he or she is and to not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance.

I think if you asked any woman, who has been married a very long time ( like me) this is what they would say has helped them most.


One factor, that I think is so often overlooked in our busy and often child-centered homes, is the idea of making home a 'comfort zone' for hubby.   A husband wants to feel 'at home' when he is at home. Husbands' want their homes to be a safe place that is a respite from the demands of a hard and busy world. They basically want  respect, a decent meal, and a quiet and orderly home.  That is what many of us have set out to do for our dear hubbies...especially those of us who are SAHM's.  For some of you, perhaps that is not what defines 'comfort' for your husband, but if you want your marriage to last, it is imperative that you find out what does spell 'comfort' to him and make it your priority.  
Debby says it best here. "Men are not the uncaring creatures they sometimes appear to be. They highly treasure their families and like for their homes to be comfort zones. They want respect and a family that gives them security and purpose. Even though home life may get dull, men greatly value their own woman and children.

Men may allows the lust of the flesh to pull them away from that which they value, but they will try to get back to that comfort zone. It is this natural need for his own family that keeps a man caring for and bearing the responsibility for his wife and kids. When a woman does not provide for her husband a comfortable nest and a reverant attitude, she has to rely on his goodness to 'keep him" faithful. She is a fool to expect him to be a good husband when she is not being the help meet God has created her to be.

A man coming home to a tense or messy home, lousy meals, and a wife who is critical, might not have the "goodness" to remain faithful if a sweet young woman at work seeks to pull him away with the promise (illusion) of a more fulfilling comfort zone.


 Ladies, if the statistics are right, then many marriages have only a 50-50 chance of surviving. This makes me grieve more than I can say. Coming from a home of two divorced parents, I can tell you that it is painful for everyone involved, especially the children.  One of my heart's desires is to do all I can to help preserve our homes and to help you make them happy and help you be happy in them. But the most direct route to a happy home is not doing what we want, but learning to love doing what we should. Love first.. Give first..  Pray first...
God's word says it best in Luke 6:37-38.
37“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.c”  New Living Translation

  
A happy marriage is all about giving..and giving first.  We have the remedy in our hands, dear friends. It's up to us to use it.  I pray for you this morning, that God will give you the grace to try doing 'marriage' HIS way. Especially if you have tried it your way and that way doesn't seem to be working. I would never condemn or criticize anyone who is facing a divorce or has been divorced.  But if you want an alternative..then perhaps I can point the way.  I know I wouldn't be married now, if it were not for these words. I thank the Lord every day for pointing out to me the way to a happy marriage.  

If you are struggling, please know that I care, and I know how very hard it can be to do these things when our mind is shouting out against them and we sometimes feel unloved.  (If I could hug you right now--I would!) But the Lord can help you and I promise, that as you give, without expecting anything back, your husband will give too. You can 'fall in love' all over again!  It may take some time, but choose to make your home a comfort zone and love your husband, because it is the right thing to do. It is in giving that we truly receive.   A happy healthy marriage is the best gift you could ever give to your children or yourself.

Happy Homemaking...


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11 comments:

Rayanne said...

O...my, Donna,
I so enjoyed our tea time. Such a good post. I must say, I love one of the verses you used...
"Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap."
I have seen this so many times, Our God is so GOOD!

Colleen said...

Good advice, Donna! I love that pic of you and Tim by the piano, where he is looking at you so lovingly. So sweet.

The Bailey Family said...

I loved this post. I've really been learning that I need to make my home an haven for my family, especially my husband. I really appreciate your blog because it shows me the kind of SAHM mom I strive to be for years to come! :)

Gloria said...

Very nice post Donna. Very good advice and some of it I have to use because there are times lately that I have been finding a little fault here and there and have voiced it. Trivial things but I am so darn lucky to have my Eloy for a husband that I couldn't ask for more. I will be nicer to him, I really always am but I can sit back and look at myself and see that there are times when I don't need to say some things. In other words, quiet gloria, leave well enough alone. I am going to make him a beautiful roast, mashed potatoes and some nice veggies for dinner tonight when he comes home. Thanks Donna for the great advice and I'll put it to work immediately. Viva El Husband!!

Deb said...

Thanks for the tea and all the wonderful advice!!! I'm in total agreement!!!

Shana said...

So. I am thinking God knew what I needed to read. I struggle with this. I want to be a good Christian wife who is the helpmeet I am supposed to be. I think it is hard because I haven't seen many marriages like this. I am not a trusting person by nature because of things I went through and it is very hard for me to not be in control. My husband also struggles in being the leader of our family because he is a follower by nature and even though he was raised hearing about God, he wasn't raised in church and wasn't saved till he was 22. He doesn't have all the Biblical knowledge and tends to go on what he saw growing up as do I. If you woul djust say a little prayer for us to work through this I would appreciate it so much. We have been together for 16 years last month and married for 10 years so we are not new to each other but we are in a rut or something and need newness in our spirit I think.

Jill said...

Lovely post Donna! Seems so many young couples give up when things get hard, but it's surviving the tough times that build a lasting relationship.
Hope you have a great evening!
Blessings,
Jill

Donna said...

Dear Shana, I know just what you mean. My childhood was very difficult and it has taken years for me to learn how to truly love hubby. I was so incredibly needy! And it's so easy for me to run things just because Dear Hubby is busy. My hubby was a brand new Christian too when I met him and I was a total mess who had given up on God altogether. There was so much baggage to overcome. I will tell you that the most important thing you can do, is read God's word, especially the epistles, over and over again...especially the verses about conflict, and love, and the tongue, and our roles as husband and wife. It's our minds that trip us up so often. As one dear friend said to me, "Donna--You think too much!" I needed to quit thinking and just start obeying the Lord. (I don't mean thinking through things, but allowing negative thoughts to derail my love for hubby.)

I'll be praying!
Love,
Donna

Caroline said...

mmmm , good. I need to ask Kevin what spells "comfort" for him, I've never thought about it quite that way before. He's told me several times how respect is important to him, though that is a work in progress. For sure it is the Lord who works in us to preserve our marriage (we wouldn't be married either, but for that, having gone through a very dark time about 3-4 years ago) but we must eagerly work alongside....

off topic, Gideon doesn't go to the nursery . He sits with us in church, but, sometimes (esp. with daddy gone) he proceeds to see what he can get away with, and when corrected instead of sweet submission (ha ha!!) I encounter a rebellious and recalcitrant little one. So we have to leave and boy, sometimes he just never settles down ... He's a tough little nut sometimes.

And thankyou for being a picture of God redeeming a difficult childhood - I think that part spoke to me the most!!

Karen said...

Donna,

I love your blog. You are so inspiring. When the world gets a little too, well, worldly for me, I can read your blog and relax. It does indeed feel like comin' home. Anyway, I wanted to share with you an entry I wrote on my blog two years ago about marriage, as my oldest was getting engaged. It is here, if you care to read it. I didn't leave it in the comments on your post because it seemed kind of like advertising my blog on your blog, and that didn't seem right. I just wanted to share with you my thoughts on marriage (which is now 28 years; we met at 15 and married at 18, and I still get butterflies thinking about him!)

Ha! I just thought of this post, too, which I somewhat recently wrote about our marriage.

I admire you a lot, and try to model myself after you. You are an inspiration! Thank you for your writing your blog.

Karen :)

Between you, me and the Fencepost said...

I was brought over to your blog by my sister, Maria of 'Colour Me Happy' (10 interesting posts and linky party ) Your warmth and authenticity shines through in your beautiful blog. I have been happily 'lost' reading your blog for the past hour. Your thoughts on marriage (agree 100%) homemaking and life are inspiring. I love the activity room (I want one now) I'm off to make a second cup of coffee and continue my exploration of your blog.

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.” ~ Margaret Sangster
Welcome to Comin' Home! If you lived nearby, I'd invite you over to my neck of the woods for a nice long chat and a cup of tea out on the deck. But since we can't do that, I hope you'll stay and look around. I love learning new things and sharing what I learn with friends. Comin' Home is where I share tips from my many projects. Let's have some fun together! XO Donna

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