/ 12.10.10 / 11 Comments / From the Heart
Time for Tea: Making Your Home a 'Comfort Zone' for Hubby
Tuesday is a great day to have tea together and have a little woman to woman chat, don't you think? I really think we should make Tuesday mornings our time to visit and talk about things that will help us be the wives and/or mothers that we really want to be. So why don't you grab yourself a warm cup of tea, add some cream..and meet me back here in a minute.. By the way, my friend, Rayanne, of A Lovely Thought is hosting an online 'tea party' every Tuesday so if you'd like to visit other blogging friends who are having tea, just drop by.
Frankly, I'm going to have a hard time choosing which tea to drink! My friend, Shannon Mucha, of Blu-bambu, gave me these lovely teas as a thank you for helping her move a few weeks ago. But not only that, she gave me a little book about tea, and a gorgeous bowl with Japanese men on it. Wow...I have to say that I have a lot to learn about how to say 'thanks' to someone. Next time she needs help, I'll be sure to volunteer! Ha! Just teasing..
Well, if you have your cup of tea, let's chat just a minute. Really, hot tea and a warm quilt on a cold morning, makes me think of how important it is that our home be a 'comfort zone'. I've been reading about this in my favorite book on marriage, "Created to be His Helpmeet". Of course, it is on my heart because one of my older children is struggling in this area. Is it any wonder? We are all so selfish by nature-- me especially! Yipes!! How two normal people could stay married for life when this is the case is truly a miracle.
I agree with Debby that, "A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the others' faults, to love the other as he or she is and to not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance.
I think if you asked any woman, who has been married a very long time ( like me) this is what they would say has helped them most.
One factor, that I think is so often overlooked in our busy and often child-centered homes, is the idea of making home a 'comfort zone' for hubby. A husband wants to feel 'at home' when he is at home. Husbands' want their homes to be a safe place that is a respite from the demands of a hard and busy world. They basically want respect, a decent meal, and a quiet and orderly home. That is what many of us have set out to do for our dear hubbies...especially those of us who are SAHM's. For some of you, perhaps that is not what defines 'comfort' for your husband, but if you want your marriage to last, it is imperative that you find out what does spell 'comfort' to him and make it your priority.
Debby says it best here. "Men are not the uncaring creatures they sometimes appear to be. They highly treasure their families and like for their homes to be comfort zones. They want respect and a family that gives them security and purpose. Even though home life may get dull, men greatly value their own woman and children.
Men may allows the lust of the flesh to pull them away from that which they value, but they will try to get back to that comfort zone. It is this natural need for his own family that keeps a man caring for and bearing the responsibility for his wife and kids. When a woman does not provide for her husband a comfortable nest and a reverant attitude, she has to rely on his goodness to 'keep him" faithful. She is a fool to expect him to be a good husband when she is not being the help meet God has created her to be.
A man coming home to a tense or messy home, lousy meals, and a wife who is critical, might not have the "goodness" to remain faithful if a sweet young woman at work seeks to pull him away with the promise (illusion) of a more fulfilling comfort zone.
Ladies, if the statistics are right, then many marriages have only a 50-50 chance of surviving. This makes me grieve more than I can say. Coming from a home of two divorced parents, I can tell you that it is painful for everyone involved, especially the children. One of my heart's desires is to do all I can to help preserve our homes and to help you make them happy and help you be happy in them. But the most direct route to a happy home is not doing what we want, but learning to love doing what we should. Love first.. Give first.. Pray first...
God's word says it best in Luke 6:37-38.
37“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.c” New Living Translation
A happy marriage is all about giving..and giving first. We have the remedy in our hands, dear friends. It's up to us to use it. I pray for you this morning, that God will give you the grace to try doing 'marriage' HIS way. Especially if you have tried it your way and that way doesn't seem to be working. I would never condemn or criticize anyone who is facing a divorce or has been divorced. But if you want an alternative..then perhaps I can point the way. I know I wouldn't be married now, if it were not for these words. I thank the Lord every day for pointing out to me the way to a happy marriage.
If you are struggling, please know that I care, and I know how very hard it can be to do these things when our mind is shouting out against them and we sometimes feel unloved. (If I could hug you right now--I would!) But the Lord can help you and I promise, that as you give, without expecting anything back, your husband will give too. You can 'fall in love' all over again! It may take some time, but choose to make your home a comfort zone and love your husband, because it is the right thing to do. It is in giving that we truly receive. A happy healthy marriage is the best gift you could ever give to your children or yourself.
Labels: From the Heart