Matthew's Safely Home....Precious Pictures..

I'm glad to share with you all that my son, Matthew, is home from Afghanistan. Amanda and the kids, Colin, Brennan, and Nikolai were so excited to see Hubby and Daddy again.  Thanks every single one of you for your prayers and kind notes. They meant so much to Matthew and to me. :o)

Summer Fun with the Girls

 

Hi Friends, It's Sunday night, and I finally have a few minutes to 'blog'. I guess I should have taken my official 'blog vacation' this week instead of last considering that I got a lot more blogging last week. :o)

 

My daughter's friends arrived for a 'girly' weekend on Thursday and it's been a whirlwind of fun ever since.  

They had a lot of fun dressing up, 

 

 

shopping,

 

and walking the beach in Galveston.

Tim and I celebrated our anniversary  tonight (though it is tomorrow) by dinner out and a little romantic treat... a gift from my wonderful secret sister--champagne glasses, champagne, and can you believe it...the movie Julie and Julia!! Yippee! It really is quite romantic and hubby enjoyed it thoroughly. (Thank You!!) I'll tell you all about that tomorrow..after a late morning nap, which I'm guessing I'm going to need.

As I type this, Dear Hubby is packing for a week long business trip. We leave at 4 a.m (Yes, I'm STILL up. Must be crazy!!)  

Kristin, Kaylene, and my daughter, Rebekah in their 'nautical' style outfits.

I thought I'd just let you know that I didn't fall off the edge of the planet--I  just got too busy to blog. I honestly don't think that's ever happened before!  I've had lots of company for dinner, spent hours on the phone with my son from Afghanistan (he's coming home soon!), and of course, had 'tea' with the girls. What a week!

 

In the meanwhile, I thought you might enjoy these great photos that Kaylene, Kristin, and my daughter Rebekah took on their trip.

What's coming up this week? 

How to Use the Sidetracked Home Executives system

What Makes an Anniversary Special, Tea with 'The Girls'

  Learning to Cook..again

Summer Fun Indoors~Making and Playing a Glass Harp 

  and

How to Make Your Own Fabric Wall Art

I'm so excited about my new profile picture and hope you like it. :o) It was the talented work of Kaylene who has a photography business.  I do hope you are all having a great week! I'll see you soon. I'm off to help hubby pack the last bits. (Yes Dear--the whites are clean. :o) 

What are you doing for fun this summer?

 

 

Tuesday Tea Chat No. 33 ~ Setting Boundaries Graciously

 
Good Morning friends...and Welcome to our 33rd Tuesday Tea Chat.  It's so nice to be back again! I've had a very productive break from blogging but am still working on the taxes. At least I've gotten started which is the hardest part, don't you think?  One set is finished and the other is in progress. I got a little sidetracked by my efforts to get healthy and lose weight by juicing which made it hard to focus on the work I had planned.

But this last week was the perfect time to get 'decaffeinated' and get used to juice fasting. (Picture me laying on the couch feeling very sleepy, nursing a substantial headache, and all the while thinking about the many things I needed to do. Stressful!  ) Somehow, I talked myself into not quitting..LoL!

I do hope you will grab your cup and join us for a little chat over tea.  What are you drinking today?  Please feel free to link up here if you would like to share a tea post or photos of your own.  :o)


Today, I am sipping my Wedding Tea from Harney and Sons. Amy of Tea Girl in a Coffee World mentioned their newest tea a couple of weeks ago and I couldn't wait to try it.

 

It is delicious..no doubt about that!  Just take a look at the ingredients and you will see why: Chinese Mutan White Tea buds, rose petals, cornflowers, marigolds, and coconut and almond oils. The taste is just heavenly! Rich..and almost nutty but with a lot of subtle flavors.

 
It's a perfect tea to savor in the early morning during quiet times.  I'd like to chat with you about a life-changing concept I've learned from a  new book that a friend loaned to me two weeks ago. It's called Boundaries by Dr.Cloud and Townsend.  How I wish I had found it years ago!

For those of us for whom childhood and home life were difficult, this book is incredibly helpful. Sometimes it's just very hard for one parent or another to recognize the 'person-hood' of their children. It's usually because the same thing happened to them. That was certainly the case for me and my siblings.

 

What do I mean by boundaries?  As an example, imagine that your neighbor has a problem respecting people's boundaries. So when he needs a lawn mower, he comes over and takes it right out of your garage...without asking. He is ignoring your 'boundary' which in this case is your property line.

 

An example of people who don't respect boundaries would be... A co-worker who often asks you to bail them out when they have too much work to do.  Friends or family who ask for loans and get upset when you don't give them... People who expect you to do jobs or favors without recompensing you in any way and do so habitually.  Adult children who won't get a job or leave home....inappropriate touching of a child by an adult..... In-laws who pressure adult children to do what they want or else. Guilt trips and manipulation of any kind--all of these examples are covered in the book.

Boundaries of many kinds were simply not allowed for my sisters and I. Naturally, I've always had a very difficult time saying 'No'.   The results for any one in this situation are obvious: over-commitment, enabling others to be selfish, bitterness (at times) , discouragement, low self esteem, and even procrastination.  

 

Have you ever had trouble with this?  If you do, you certainly have my heartfelt sympathy!

It's not that those who overstep others boundaries are 'evil' or intentionally hurtful. They simply don't understand what is appropriate and what isn't.

It's up to us to set boundaries

so others know what is OK with us and what isn't.

I have had the unpleasant task of seeing my parenting through 'new eyes' this last two weeks. How easy it is to overstep the bounds of propriety with children moving from the childhood to adulthood! How hard it is to trust God sometimes with our children--to step back and let them fail--to have faith in them and God when we are looking at their 'human-ness".

I truly wish I could turn the clock back, and do it all over again. I know my kids could hear from God just fine, and I knew it then, but it was hard to back out of the 'mommy-mode' as they got older  and trust them to our Heavenly Father's care.At least I do get a second chance with the three who are still home. I have been doing much better at letting go with them. :o)

The authors remind us.....that we can't control others

but we can control ourselves.

We can remove ourselves from situations, refuse to listen to inappropriate communication, and we can say NO. 

I've found myself on both sides of the fence as I've read this book. I can hardly describe how eye-opening this was.  That was a very humbling thing to discover for sure.  It's sure surprising to realize what was at the root of many a tense moment with Dear Hubby.  Too many times, over the years,  I've found myself expressing my fears or hurt feelings 'through the back door' so to speak with pouting, anger, or a cold shoulder.

But thanks to this book,  and some research, I've learned how to simply communicate those concerns in a kind way without any expectations of change.  Gone are the 'hints of accusation' that I'm occasionally characterized my comments.  I'm so grateful that the Lord answered my prayers about some of the struggles going on in relationships in our home. It's as easy now to communicate kindly, as it was to be unkind.

The new found freedom to say NO when I should is another great discovery and has allowed me to say YES to the right things and get my priorities in order.              

Are we a perfect family? Not even close!  But we love each other, and the Lord..so we want to work through our problems and do so regularly.  This book helped me understand how best to encourage genuine respect and communication amongst all of us. 

The first week, I felt like a child learning how to talk and walk all over again. It was all so foreign to me. I was surprised how much I let even business people take advantage of me. Lack of boundaries or lack of respect for them affects all of your relationships to one degree or another.

The second week, I felt so happy and hopeful as we have all began to understand each other better. Part of me felt selfish saying No, but I'm certain that was not true now.  As the bible says, we each have to bear our own burdens (daily loads), which is different from 'bearing one anothers' burdens (unusually heavy load).

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21

Clarke's Commentary on the Bible  Submitting - one to another - Let no man be so tenacious of his own will or his opinion in matters indifferent, as to disturb the peace of the Church; in all such matters give way to each other, and let love rule.

The one thing that we are all learning, at our house,  is that, though the Lord wants us to obey those in authority over us and to defer to those under us, everyone deserves respect and a certain 'personal space' and relationship with God as individuals.  Ultimately, we all answer to God first, then to each other.  Leadership does not equal the right to total control nor does submission mean a call to total surrender. It's all about genuine and mutual love and respect for each other. 

I Corinthians 13 4-7 Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud,  doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not easily provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 

Our children are as much 'sisters and brothers' in Christ as we are. The older they get..the more we need to allow them to relate to and respond to God for their decisions and to be responsible for their own mistakes.  'Letting Go should be a very natural transition that we as parents need to cooperate with.

By the time our kids have left home to begin their adult lives, they should no longer feel the need to 'answer' to us for anything.  For those who are married, that's what 'leaving and cleaving' is all about. The bible clearly describes the breaking of the parental bonds here.  A new relationship is formed which allows for the liberty of the newly married children to be their own 'heads of the home'.  We, as parents, move into a new season of life...I like to think of it as a chance to give more time to 'spiritual parenting' of the body of Christ..and growing closer over the years as a couple.

When we, as adults or children,  feel that someone is truly going 'beyond' what is appropriate..we need to be able to say so and expect that NO to be respected.

  It's not the defiant NO of a two year old. Our 'Nos'  need to be gracious.  It's easier to teach this to our kids through modeling than anything else.

Well, I've gone on long enough about this topic, I'm sure! :o) If you see yourself in either position..certainly know that neither I nor God is criticizing you for that. (I'm as guilty of this as the next gal.)  The point is that we can LEARN how to treat each other in a way that leaves no one feeling like either a 'door mat' or a 'tyrant'.  

Now that our family is learning how to 'set boundaries graciously', we are more able to communicate our genuine feelings..even negative ones,  in a kinder and more constructive way rather than feeling 'stuck' in a hopeless situation. We are learning to understand how each of us looks at life and to care more for others perspectives and opinions.

If you are feeling like your boundaries are being overrun..or you find people reacting a lot to your 'leadership' or way of 'getting things done'...perhaps this book can help give you a new perspective and some tools for rebuilding proper relationships in your life and the lives of those you love, as much as it is in your power of course. 

We can't and shouldn't try to 'fix' people, but we can remove ourselves from their behavior in a loving, respectful way.

 This gives God a chance to work in their lives..instead of making others feel criticized or rejected by us.

Today, I invite you to join me in a little self-examination here as we share tea together. If we want our families to be healthy and happy,  both emotionally and spiritually,  we will need to be able to set appropriate boundaries and respect those of others.   

Have you ever had trouble with this issue?  Is it difficult for you to say NO? Or is it hard to accept other people's "NOs"?   Let's chat. :o)

Linking with these lovely ladies' Tea Parties..and Sites..

• Kathy’s A Delightsome Life: A Return to Loveliness
  Amy of Tea Girl in a Coffee World
• Tracie at Cottage Flora Thursday
• Raising Homemakers
  Terri's Artful Affirmations 
• Wanda Lee's Teapot And Tea Things Tuesday
  Pam's Teapot and Tea Things Tuesday 
• Lady Katherine's Tea Time Tuesday
• The Plumed Pen's  Tea for Two
• Rose Chintz Tea Time Tuesday
• Martha's Favorite Teacup Tuesday

Photo Credit: All the nature photos were taken by my son, Christian. The rest were mine.

Tuesday Tea No.31 ~ To Blog or Not to Blog

Don’t worry…I’m not even suggesting that I not blog! LoL! Ok..now that that’s out of the way… :o)   I’d like to welcome you to my 31st Tuesday Tea chat.  Thanks so much for dropping by today!

I hope you will stop for a little visit, pull up your chair, and settle down with a nice cup of tea…iced or not..depending on the weather of course.  (Mine’s Red Raspberry!…Mmmm!)

As I mentioned on Saturday, one of the sweet finds I came across while shopping with my mom was a set of white bone china tea cups.

They really are lovely…very delicate and trimmed with gold.  I paid a whole $1.00 each from our local thrift store! This was a happy find for sure. I bought two so Rebekah and I could have a matching set. 

   

We had a lovely tea time together this morning. She set the table with her beautiful Zinnias arranged in a vase for the centerpiece.

 

And I laid out a vintage tablecloth cross-stitched by my Grandma Wood…a truly special treasure--How I miss her! She always set the prettiest table…

Rebekah’s  flower garden is growing very well in spite of the lack of rain around here.  Aren’t her Zinnias lovely?

Please feel free to link up for my tea party. I hope that my readers will visit some of the ladies who link up to our tea party today.  You will certainly enjoy getting to see their pretty things and read their thoughtful posts.

Today, I’d like to chat for a little while about blogging. Whether you write a blog or read blogs, I’ve been thinking that like any other activity in life, it’s great to make sure that it’s still a good thing for our lives.  (This is a pretty long chat, so feel free to skip it if it isn’t your ‘cup of tea’. :o)

Several times over the last year and a half, I’ve asked myself..should I keep blogging..or not?

Rebekah and I were thinking about this again, recently, because we just watched the movie Julie and Julia. 

For any of you who are struggling with this issue..the movie certainly gives you food for thought! I had to laugh at Julie’s blogging woes…and joys. Her story was all too familiar.

The movie depicted quite accurately not only the pleasure and self-esteem building that can come from blogging..but also the pitfalls so common to new bloggers. It can be quite addictive for sure. The one thing that stood out to me was the impact that blogging had on her relationship with her husband and even her job.

Obviously not everyone is going to get so head over heels into blogging that it damages relationships in their lives…but it CAN happen!  I think that most of us who have been blogging a while, have found that you have to decide where in your life blogging fits. Is it a priority?…or just a pastime?  It really depends on why you blog.

For most of us it’s purely relationship building and getting to share our creative efforts..much like a quilting or sewing bee. In a day where we rarely meet our neighbors, I think blogging has given we women a way to connect again.  

For those who use blogging to widen the horizons and build the success of their businesses, blogging has to be a pretty major part of their lives. There is no question that it helps people in building their customer base. I love how blogging adds a ‘personal element’ to businesses…especially internet based ones!

Maria of Color Me Happy wrote a fantastic post yesterday about how to make a successful blog..and the commitment in terms of time and energy that it takes. I think her blog is wonderful and her perspective is perfect. I agree with her 100%.  She is a business woman…and a giving person too. Her blog has taught me so much!

 

She is, in my opinion, someone for whom blogging can be a major part of life..because of her position and season in life. She doesn’t have children to care for and she does run a business. Blogging helps bring in her bread and butter-very important!

But for some of us there is an inherent danger…  

The reason I felt the need to talk about blogging today is to perhaps give a ‘heads up’ to any of you who are new to blogging..or even to those of you who have been regular bloggers but are experiencing  difficulties.

When we find ourselves more caught up in ‘online’ friendships… than in loving our families…. we may be heading for trouble.   

When the blogging gets done..while  the shopping, cleaning, and bill paying...slip... it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate whether blogging is a good thing for us..or if we might need to slow it down. You may think it’s all in balance..but your family will be more objective about it. Ask them. Listen with an open mind. Pray about it.

I went through this myself almost a year ago. I was struggling in many ways at that time and dealing with a lot of stress from handling my father’s estate.

Blogging became…. in some ways…. a means of ‘escape’ from the daily pressures of life. 

It began to ‘take over’ normal daily life. I found myself doing things just so I could ‘post’ them.  The pressure to post and comment…became a negative rather than a positive. The joys of the praise…became somewhat addictive. Yipes!

The kids regularly complained about my time online. They felt displaced. My husband didn’t..but he was worried.  I knew in my heart that things were getting out of whack. 

I prayed..I repented… and I even made the decision to quit..for the sake of my family and hubby.  Nothing was more important to me than fulfilling my calling to them…especially not blogging.  I talked to hubby about my decision and amazingly, he didn’t feel that I needed to quit…but that what I did and how I did it needed to change. He was so blessed that I cared enough to give up something I loved so much for their sake. 

I made a commitment, at that time, to quit worrying about comments…or doing things just so I could post them. I quit trying to be a DIY or Home and Garden blog.  I quit trying to build traffic. 

 

Instead, I offered this blog up to the Lord and made a promise. I would only blog REAL life. Whatever I was doing…I would post it. No more ‘projects’ …just for fun.  I had work to do and blogging was interfering with those responsibilities. On the other hand, if I posted what I was already doing..as time was available..then that was “OK”.

I also made another promise to myself—if anyone..kids, neighbors, hubby…Mom… called or needed me, then I would drop any bloggy activity I might be doing at the moment.   Melissa called her blog, Until Wednesday Calls, for the same reason. Her daughter is named Wednesday…and she comes first. I so admire her for that!

Hubby loved it!

I knew I would not end up with a huge audience..or tons of comments. But to be a real blessing to you..I had to be REAL. I left the ‘results’ up to God and followed my heart and conscience.  

I’ve never regretted that decision. I’m in for the long haul with this blog. For me it's a marathon..not a sprint.  I love teaching and encouraging homemakers and feel that is what I’ve been called to do…but it has to be done right.

Comin’ Home is now a rather.....well..…practical blog. I want to bless you..so I share the things that I come across that I think would help you, my readers.  I’d love to do lots of crafty things and share them with you, but I’m not always doing crafty things. I don’t re-do furniture… sew cute toys, re-paint and re-purpose home decor…or garden much. So those things aren’t in my blog. But what I do..I share with you. :o)

I think blogging needs to be real and whole.  I used to have so many blogs! I had a sewing blog, music blog, devotional blog, recipe blog, and homemaking blog..plus a weight loss blog.  Maria encouraged me to get it down to one blog, if only to make it easier for people to know where to drop by. It was great advice! 

You know..I’m just one person. I’m a person who sews, writes music, love the Lord, cooks (on occasion-LoL!), loves to save money, and do things myself. And I’m working to lose weight. All of that is now in one blog (that I actually use), which certainly makes it easier to manage. It also makes my blog more unique..because it’s a reflection of the real ME.

Re-Evaluating…

I have two close bloggy friends who blog very little or not at all at the moment. They’ve both gone through one of these ‘epiphanies’ where blogging began to interfere with their responsibilities or their life’s purpose. Both have small children, which I do not.  I so admire them for taking the stand they did! It’s the right thing to do.  There is a season in life for everything. Is this the season of life for you to ‘give it all’ to blogging?  

Are you living for your blog..

or is your blog a reflection of your living?  

We want to be the same person at home, I think, that we appear to be on our blogs. At least that’s my measuring stick for me. :o)  Only you, your family, and the Lord, know what is the right decision.  Like many things in life, blogging is not good or bad…unless we do it to excess or for the wrong reasons…or at the wrong time. 

The fellowship and encouragement that we all give and receive is the greatest blessing that comes from  blogging and I’m glad we all have that opportunity. You, my readers, are some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met and make blogging such a wonderful thing!

But my prayer for you today, especially you younger mothers, is that you consider taking a second look, as I have done several times myself, and ask yourself if everything is OK in your part of bloggyland.  

You know in your heart if you need to give MORE to your blog…or less.   :o)  This is  a good thing to do every few months or so for every activity in your life—not just blogging.  Life changes and so must our priorities!

Then, with peace in your heart, I encourage you to blog away!!!..as the Lord leads, of course. :o)  Together we make the online world a sunny place for everyone. 

How are you doing? What place does blogging hold in your life?  More or less? What do you think? :o)

With much love, prayer, and thought….

Linking with these lovely ladies' Tea Parties..and Sites..
Cindy's My Romantic Home

Tracie at Cottage Flora Thursday

Raising Homemakers
Terri's Artful Affirmations

Lady Katherine's Tea Time Tuesday

The Plumed Pen's  Tea for Two

Rose Chintz Tea Time Tuesday

Martha's Favorite Teacup Tuesday  
Wanda Lee's Teapot And Tea Things Tuesday  
Pam's Teapot and Tea Things Tuesday

Kathy’s A Delightsome Life: A Return to Loveliness
Amy of Tea Girl in a Coffee World