When Our Children Are Hurting…

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When Our Children Are Hurting…

Today is Tuesday Tea and I’d love to have you join me for a hot cup of your favorite tea and a little heart to heart chat. If you’d like to join us, you can just leave comments  or write your own post and link up with any photos of tea cups or anything else pretty on your blog, but please, do remember to link back here. I’ll be sure to visit you and hope our readers will too. The challenges of mothering were on my heart today so that is what I’d like to talk about, but feel free to share on any subject. :o)

Being a mother is, in my opinion, one of the most rewarding experiences in life. But as some of my blogging friends can tell you, it can be one of the most painful experiences too. One of my friends lost both her adult son and wife…and I know she is still hurting. If we never had children and never loved them..we could escape the pain of losing them or of seeing them suffer in one way or another. Yes, it would be much easier. But this is certainly a case of better to have loved and lost, than not loved at all. 
tea at window

Most of my days as a mother of teenagers and adult children are very happy ones—full, rich, rewarding, and most of all…BUSY!  We laugh a lot, disagree at times, and do a lot teasing in our big family. But life isn’t always that way. Sometimes things go wrong. And when they do, our children hurt…and we hurt with them.

This past week has been one of those ‘hurting times’…  The grief and pain that my daughter is experiencing is one I would give anything to have been able to help her avoid. I simply couldn’t. What unnerves me most, is that in many ways, I honestly didn’t see it coming and I feel that I should have. I had concerns but she had allayed them for the most part. I had to trust her judgment when she said everything was fine…but complicated.  I really can’t say any more, other than to say that things are no longer fine…

cup of tea

She will survive the painful ordeal and some day the sun will shine again for her. But Saturday morning found Tim and I snuggled with Rebekah on the couch trying our best to be a comfort to her. We didn’t talk…we just held her. That’s usually the best way to comfort anyone who’s hurting. Words often fail at times like these.

This week also saw her getting her first ticket and being involved in a small wreck…all the day after she found out the other bad news.  She made a simple and split second error. No one was hurt, but she felt terrible of course! (Especially, since it was my little car and we don't have full coverage.) I guess there is no question that the Lord is working in her life right now…refining and purifying her heart. She said as much to me herself. She is a strong young woman and she recognizes that though it may not sometimes feel like it…her Heavenly Father is in control…and he cares.  Just as we, her earthly parents, weep with her…so her heavenly parent does too…as he does for all of us in our times of sorrow.

time for tea portrait

As if that was not enough grief for one week, my oldest son was deployed Tuesday…and on the same day my next to youngest son met with us and  a recruiter with the Texas Army National Guard in our living room, since he will be signing up this week. He will be going to college full time right after boot camp…but still…I wasn’t quite ready for yet another chick to leave the nest..so soon!

And still another grown son, who lost his job at Christmas, told me that he and his wife and the grandchildren may be moving to Oregon because of a great job offer he received. They also lost their hot water heater  this week (the secondary one thank goodness) and the two grandbabies were diagnosed with pneumonia.  Is it any wonder that I was feeling almost sick with worry? One night I could hardly sleep…so I just laid there trying to pray.

I finally had to have a little talk with the Lord and I felt that he reminded me that I will have to choose to walk in faith if I want to be a blessing and a help to my children as they, too, go through the lessons and challenges of life…  It makes me think of a song I wrote in college… 

What is Faith?

When things are really going good, it’s easy to be strong.
But when the waves start getting rough, Oh who is really wrong?
Lord teach me how to trust in you, no matter what I see.
Help me keep my eyes on you, Lord, help me to believe…
I need faith…the gift of Faith..

Faith is standing on the Father’s Word
A mother on her knees,
the trust of a child,
or a bird on the breeze.
It’s the hope of the weary,
the strength of the young..
Faith is trusting in Christ Jesus..God’s only Son,
This…is faith.


Today, I'm feeling so much better! Everything is moving in a better direction. The Lord answered several prayers this week…A son seems to have a new job,  the  kids brought the grandbabies over on Sunday night for dinner and they seemed to be recovering rapidly on their antibiotics,  my daughter-in-law, Amanda, Matthew's wife, got a roommate, an older woman who wants to help her learn how to parent better and be a better homemaker while Matthew is overseas, and Rebekah was feeling less sad and a little more cheerful today.  We’re sewing aprons this evening. That's always a good sign.   The sale of  my daughter's horse, didn’t go through after all, (Tex has been gone two months) so he will be home again soon. She realized that the Lord knew she would need a distraction…and caring for Tex will help so much. She’s focusing on the bright side as best she can in spite of how really awful she feels, knowing that there is a purpose for every trial.

I don’t know what struggles or trials you or your children may be facing, but I do know  that you don’t have to go through them alone.  If you are hurting, just know that you have many friends… Drop me an email if you need to chat. As mothers, we must have faith…in our children…and in our Heavenly Father who knows what they need…and what we need…before we even ask.  What is on your heart today? I know we’d all like to comfort those of you who are carrying heavy burdens this week and rejoice with those of you who are rejoicing…

Here are some scriptures that are helpful at times like these...

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Matthew 6:7“And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. 8“So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

My favorite visitor at Tuesday Tea last week was Rayanne's post about having Whittard "Russian Caravan" tea ...along with a good book of Old English poems and a recipe for Chocolate Coconut muffins... I also enjoyed Faith, Hope and CherryTea's post about Hope That Inspires and Fishtail Cottage's darling story about sharing tea with her little girls. She even showed the matching tea set they used!

I had my favorite standby this morning... Lipton black tea…It was good and strong…just what I needed! How about you? What tea are you drinking this week? Got any good recipes for goodies to go with our tea? Rebekah and I would love to test your recipe out if you send it to us. :o)

PS. I'm linking up to a life changing blogs...


Laura said...

Good Morning Donna,
Oh, dear one, you have way too much on your plate right now. Please know that I am praying for you and your family right now. It doesn't matter how old our children get...we hurt when they hurt. And we feel so helpless when we can't "fix it"...but that is what our Saviour is here for!

Have a blessed day...

Donna said...

Thanks Laura. I was feeling pretty bad on Sunday...but with all the answers to prayer, I feel much more at peace this week. God is good to help us have a brighter outlook when things are difficult. :o)


Anonymous said...

Good morning Donna,

First let me say that my prayers are with you. Pain and trials of any kind are so hard to accept...but accept we must, especially if it is happening to one of our children.

Our Lord is refining your lovely daughter into the woman of God He wants her to be. Right now, it is painful and her situation will probably get worst before it gets better...but know always, that He loves your daughter with an everlasting love that no one can replace.

I would like to say thank you for taking time out of your busy day to stop by the cottage. I have always enjoyed visiting your "place" but in the craziness of life, I have not being back. I am sorry for that. Your place looks homey and inviting!

Tea is a favorite of mine. In fact, I will probably join you, but much later today...I have an appointment this morning with my mat :) and my doctor.

Until then...keep clinging to Him!


Breathing In Grace said...

Oh, precious Donna....I so admire your heart for God. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers...both you and your family! Love, Deb

Caroline said...

Oh Donna, I'm so sorry for your difficult time. Thankyou for encouraging so many by sharing your faith in this trial .You are such a blessing!

Kim @ Home Is Where The Heart Is said...

Dear Donna,
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers {{{Hugs}}}

Needled Mom said...

This has definitely been a difficult week for you, Donna. Please know that we are all praying along with you.

Unknown said...

Donna, I'm so glad that you are hear at Soli Deo Gloria. Your post is so rich and touching -- full of pain, but brimming with hope. I will be praying for your family, a spirit of protection and comfort.

claudia b said...

Hugs, Donna. I am sorry you and your family are going through these tough times.

I like my tea green (health benefits), sweet, and decaf ;D

Rachy said...

I am praying for you and your children, that God's loving hand will be over you all (as if it weren't already!) May the love of God be with you and yours.
Rachel, who came over from Finding Heaven

Faith Hope and Cherrytea said...

interesting, that where the usual nt versions use 'faith' the hebrew uses 'trust'... life changing perspective!
grace & peace to you Donna ~
'the earl's garden' tea is on at FHC today :) and cute cups :))
join me?

Kerrie said...

Wow! Hard to know what to say. You are amazing! So sorry you are going through a stressful time with so many different heart rendering concerns. I know it helped me to seek you out in our recent concerns and we love you for your staunch FAITH IN OUR LORD to handle things! We will keep you all in our prayers. Creativeness comes out of having suffered and it is something we have in common. Thanking God for sisters in the Lord bloggers!! Big Hugs, Kerrie

Julia said...

You are so right that seeing our children go through difficult times is harder than going through them ourselves. Blessings to you and your children.

Between you, me and the Fencepost said...

I have been moved to tears by your post this morning. I couldn't sleep last night. My oldest son, he is 19, life has been very difficult for him in the past few months and I want to make it better - but as you shared we can't. All we can do is encourage and comfort. Your words and scripture have encouraged me this morning. Thank you. Your post could not have been written at a more perfect time.

Donna said...

Dearest Anita, My prayers will be with you too... Thank you for your sweet words...

And to all of you! You all are some of the sweetest ladies I've ever known. I started this post earlier last week..while still very sad..but finished it on Monday when everything was so much brighter. It always amazes me how the Lord is taking care of everything and I am just not aware of it.

You all really blessed me today. :o)


nanasknoll said...

Prayer for my youngest grand daughter who is in the hospital with RSV Pneumonia. She is 4 but was a prieme
Her name is Cassie-her mom and dad are Carrie and Doug
Thanks Nina

nanasknoll said...

I left the prayer request before reading the tea article.
I live to far away from my daughter to go help-but I know she has strong faith.
But as you say it is so hard, when your children are hurting. They must grow in faith as we did-trusting our Lord and Savior to be their all and all in their lives.
And since we cannot do the things to help with our grand children as we did with our kids (nursing them) we too have to grow stronger in trusting the Lord to take care of them.
We can call the prayer chains and friends for prayer.
I saw God at work as this 1 lb. 12oz Baby was born with no complications and the doctors and nurses said it was a miracle. Prayer chains went out all over the US, Canada, Europe before she was born with C-section.
PRAY FOR CASSIE-see her development
(sorry I do not know how to blog and link back yet.)

Donna said...

Dear Nana, We will pray for sure. I'll go visit that page. Thanks for visiting. :o)


Natalie said...

Oh, Donna. I can feel the love for your children. I love that you just held your sweet baby - I pray for wisdom in parenting CONSTANTLY and my three are only 6,3, and 2. I already hurt when they hurt and it's so seemingly miniscule now TO US.

The job is not over at 18. I signed up to do this mom thing for a lifetime and though I know it will have it's ups and downs, I'm so thankful to have answered the call.

Thank you!

Natalie at Mommy on Fire

Shona Cole said...

Donna, I am was so glad I read to the end of your post to see a little lift for you. I am so sorry your people have been going through tough times. I was shocked to hear A&E may be moving to Oregon!!!! I pray the other job is better and here. Life is tough, thankfully we have our security in Christ. I will pray for you this week.

Maria Killam said...

Hi Donna,
I called my sister tonight on my way home from a call and she raved and raved about your blog and finding this post this week. (Anita said, I just want to fly down to Texas to see her) Both my sisters cried over it so I had to come and find it. You are such a wonderful friend and mother. We are lucky to have you in our life.

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.” ~ Margaret Sangster

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