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Making Hubby and a Clean Home a Priority

One of the first priorities after our spiritual well being, is our relationship with our hubbies. Did you think I was going to mention your children? Well, I'm afraid not, thought most of us might think so. You may not realize it yet, but the kids really must not come 'first'. A child-centered home will inevitably end up being a miserable place to live in. We, parents, are so tempted sometimes, to give our 'all' to the kids without thinking twice about it. And it sounds so reasonable...right? But it's simply not true.



Someone to Look Up To
There is nothing more critical to the healthy development of a child, than to know that there is someone more important than themselves--someone who is 'in charge.' Those 'someones' are your hubby and you! The needs of your marriage relationship must come before that of your kids. The kids will be gone someday...hubby won't be. We need to do all that we can to build and strengthen our relationship with our husbands. Not just for the sake of that relationship, but also because children, whose parents are in constant conflict, are the most vulnerable to difficulties in their teen years. For that reason alone, your marriage is important and needs your attention!


For SAHWS and SAHMS...Doing Our Part
One of the most common sources of conflict, that I'm aware of is the tug between our own responsibilities or activities, and our husbands' needs and requests. However, if a man has made the commitment  to work all day to provide a home, food, clothes, money for the kids' activities, and our hobby supplies, then there is a very natural understanding, that we, too, should put in our eight hours of work. 


I know what you are thinking, "But I work all day! The kids are after me 24-7!"  Maybe so, but I know that you know..that we often have a lot of choice about how to spend our time. This is a choice that our husbands do not have. Normally, they can't pursue a hobby, while working, or take a nap, or decide to do it 'tomorrow' and work all day on a project.


I know, in my heart of hearts, that I owe my dear hubby a reasonably clean house, something to eat at the end of the day, clean socks and underwear, a neat, cheerful wife (not stressed out), and the respect of not nickle and dime-ing the budget to death until there is nothing left and he doesn't even get the chance to participate in the decision of how and where the money will be spent.


Work Before Play

That is why I have the priority list I do: devotions, hubby, kids, house, school, dinner, laundry. The same rule that applies to my kids, applies to me--Work before Play! Not only that, but my hubby needs to be able to ask me to do an errand or chore without me having a fit and considering it an imposition or interruption. It's the least I can do, to hold up my end of the bargain. I have always know this, but I know some of you may not. Now doing it is another thing and I've had plenty of failure in this area, but usually, feeling impatient at my hubby's requests sets off alarm bells in the back of my mind. I'm probably getting sidetracked again!

Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition!
That is the way most people would naturally look at it. And no one ever thinks that the other guy did his 50%. But after 23 years of marriage, I can assure you that marriage is a 100-100% proposition. We need to give our all, knowing that sometimes one or the other of us won't be able to hold up our end of that bargain at certain times in our lives. We actually make a 'promise' to the Lord when we say our wedding vows, that we will love that man until death do us part, regardless of the circumstances. We leave the accounting up to Christ and obey Him by not keeping score--the essence of true love and marriage unity.

I know..those circumstances can be horrendous..and there are provisions in God's word for those. But for most of us, we just end up in pity parties because our faithful, somewhat distracted hubbies aren't 'sensitive' enough or 'romantic' enough. Let's at least do our 8 hours worth of work before we decide to play and be the helpmeets we were called to be. Hubby shouldn't be hunting for clean socks or rummaging through the fridge because I'm blogging or sewing. He shouldn't have to worry that I'm wasting money frivolously or not looking after the kids but rather expecting them to look after themselves. Doing our part will beget a lot of affection on the part of our hubbies. To demand that affection while serving ourselves is short-sighted and truly unreasonable.


And don't forget to spend some of that evening time just visiting with your hubby. Get out now and then for some fun! Cheap dates are still fun ones!! Sometimes Tim and I just watch a movie after the kids have gone to bed. Sometimes, a walk around the block (or now down the road) is just what we need to get away from all the noise and 'input' from five lively teenagers.  (Guess what, eventually, they figure out what you are saying..and spelling out the words doesn't work either!)  It may take some planning, but we always take a little time to talk over the day. It makes all the difference in the world!  Our favorite anniversary get away trip..is to ship the kids out to family and friends and stay home!  The house stays clean...grilling is easy...and the stars are beautiful at night!  It's just a little taste of what life will be like when we will be on our own again. Yes, there will be grandchildren visiting and family events to participate in...but sometimes we will actually be 'alone'!!! 

Don't mistake me--we love our kids...but we love each other too!! We work hard to make sure we haven't forgotten who is #1 in our hearts...each other
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9 comments:

Deb said...

What a timely post!!! I feel so torn between my daughter...with 2 kids of her own...and hubby. I thought about this very thing yesterday...that even though she still needs me....he comes first!!!
Thanks so much for your wisdom and insight!!!

Gloria said...

Hi Donna. You know for me that too comes as a timely post. This morning my husband asked me if I could pick up some fish oil pills. They are supposed to lower cholesterol although he doesn't have high and I said, "I don't think I'm going that way." Now really I said to myself. I then said, "actually I am going that way." Now I appreciate what you've written even more. I'm a SAHW (stay at home wife) and I should be thankful I'm not having to go to work. I actually do everything a wife should do for her husband and I guess this morning I was just a little edgy. Thanks for reminding me. Have a great Easter.

Over Yonder said...

WONDERFUL post! I needed reminding on a bit of that myself.

mickey said...

Just want to say thank you- my lovely cards arrived today! (I have to admit, I haven't been able to read much lately--- my ancient computer takes forever to load all your pictures and music--- IF it even tries without freezing up! Happy Spring--Blessed Easter to all of you!

Melissa said...

Great post Donna. And, as with many I needed a bit of a reminder myself. :)

Donna said...

Mickey...I'm sorry about the pix and the music...I just got rid of it and need to cut down on the pix. I didn't know my blog took a long time to load. It's always 'cached' on my computer.

Ah well..live and learn!

Melissa..I'm glad it helped. I'm the worst for letting things get in the way of hubby and I. I always seem to get it wrong first..that's why I have so much to share..Ha!

Barbara said...

Donna, Thanks for coming over and leaving a comment. Yes we are close, I live just west of I45. You can get off at Centerville and go about 15 miles and you are just outside of Jewett. My Home!
Another close blogger is Lois and she owns Callie Magee Antiques in Huntsville. I am planning to visit her, maybe you could meet with us there. I will let you know when and where.

Barbara

School for Us said...

What a wonderful post! I love your point that "my" husband doesn't have the choice as to whether he'd rather have a nap or do a project for the day... he has to do what he has to do! And, he shouldn't "not" get dinner or clean clothes or whatever because I've been blogging or doing one of my hobbies. Thank you for posting this reminder!

Caroline said...

This is ALWAYS timely advice. Hubby is anticipating a busy summer (busy time of year for him) as well as some family travel and moving to a new home.... And I asked him, "How can I help you?" "Be happy to see me when I come home," was his response. Such an easy thing, but the fact that he had to tell me made an impression on how I might be acting.

Reading your comments ... we might be neighbors too, eh? We are in B/CS.

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.” ~ Margaret Sangster
Welcome to Comin' Home! If you lived nearby, I'd invite you over to my neck of the woods for a nice long chat and a cup of tea out on the deck. But since we can't do that, I hope you'll stay and look around. I love learning new things and sharing what I learn with friends. Comin' Home is where I share tips from my many projects. Let's have some fun together! XO Donna

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